


Criminals Don't Have Freckles

by DoctorV



Series: Archive: Doc's Old-Ass Comics Fic (DC, JLU, etc.) [39]
Category: Justice League & Justice League Unlimited (Cartoons)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crime Of Necessity, Gen, Shoplifting, Theft, Wally's Just Hungry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-04-06 12:16:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14056812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoctorV/pseuds/DoctorV
Summary: The Justice League investigates a crimewave in the Keystone and Central City area, carried out by a mysterious blur...





	Criminals Don't Have Freckles

**Author's Note:**

> Archiving some old old OLD fanfic of mine. This was originally posted to LiveJournal 03/25/2006, with the author's note:  
> "AU thing with criminal!Flash. He is, of course, still adorable and generally a nice guy. Naturally, the Justice League doesn't have a clue how to deal with that.  
> Beta by lakidaa, who also encouraged me to write this thing. Blame her."
> 
> This was originally intended to be part one of a many part series in which Wally ends up following John home like a puppy, deciding they're besties, and probably flirting with him some. John, meanwhile, would not know how to deal with this guy who's very obviously a criminal, but also...not that bad a guy? Shenanigans! Probably Wally would eventually end up becoming a hero, but I honestly don't remember if I'd planned it out that far.  
> None of that ever got written anyway, so let's just assume this is a one-shot!

No one knew exactly who or what it was, just that Keystone and Central City had a rash of crimes where the perpetrator was a blur. Security cameras caught glimpses, but were more often than not turned off by whoever it was before they could record much. And what they did catch confirmed all the eyewitness reports: somewhere there was a blur responsible for a crimewave.

 

After some investigation, it became clear that the blur occasionally extended its reach on a global scale. Unexplained disappearances of money and, surprisingly, _food_ were reported all over. But as they were mostly from Keystone and Central, the others went largely unnoticed.

 

The Justice League were at a loss. Well, except for the theory, put forth by Batman in a voice that suggested he thought they were all morons, that the blur was someone with the power to go very _fast_.

 

It was pretty obvious, but no one had really thought of it. At least no one had voiced the thought. But it did make perfect sense. The blur looked a lot like Superman when he was moving fast. Though when that was brought up there had been some cursory suspicion, talk of possession, and much irritation and embarrassment from Superman that he had to provide an alibi. (The alibi turned out to be his mother, who confirmed that Superman had been helping with some chores during one of the robberies.)

 

Never willing to let such a mystery rest, they were keeping an eye out for reports of anything suspiciously blurry. So when a call was picked up from a Keystone grocery store, the Justice League were staked out at strategic points of the city to rush to the scene.

 

Green Lantern and Hawkgirl were closest, so they got there first. When John saw a blue-grey blur shoot from the store's entrance, he automatically surrounded it with a green bubble. "Hold it right there, hotshot!"

 

The blur hit the side of the bubble and ricocheted off it to hit the other side and slide to the bottom of the bubble. Around him, bags that had been knocked from his hands spilled various foodstuffs.

 

No longer moving, the blur turned out to be a man in old jeans, a grey sweatshirt, and a ski mask. He scrambled to his feet, blurring again with the rapid movement, and reached out to press his hand against the sides of the glowing green bubble. After going over it in record time searching for a crack or seam or opening of _some_ kind, he drew his hand back and brought his fist forward in another blur of speed. His hand bounced back from the bubble's surface and he let out a yell of surprise and pain as he hunched over his hand.

 

Suspicions were forming that they were not dealing with a criminal mastermind.

 

"Cool it, kid," John said as he landed on the street below and brought the bubble closer. He didn't want to admit it, but he _had_ felt the punch vibrate through his ring a little.

 

"Hey lemme out!" came the surprisingly young voice from the man as he whirled to face John and pounded on the bubble.

 

Hawkgirl landed at John's side and smirked a little. "You were stealing," she reminded the man. "That's illegal."

 

That made the man pause and he looked almost startled. "Only a little," he protested.

 

"Only a little?!" John sputtered in disbelief. "Stealing is always illegal!"

 

"No not—I know _that_." The man waved his hands, gesturing without an apparent purpose. "I mean I only _stole_ a little."

 

John and Hawkgirl peered around him at the bags laying on the bottom of the bubble, filled almost to bursting, then back at him pointedly. The man glanced back at the bags, then back to them and rubbed the back of his neck.

 

"Well, that's a little for me," he said sheepishly. "High metabolism. _Really_ high metabolism. Actually, do you mind?" Then before either of them could ask what they were supposed to mind, he blurred again and was suddenly holding an open jar of peanut butter in one hand and a half-eaten celery stalk in the other. The peanut butter already showed signs of having been dipped into and, as they watched, he dipped the celery in it. Motioning to them with the celery and the glob of peanut butter on it, he said, "I'd offer you some, but...." He shrugged and tilted his head to indicate the bubble.

 

Sighing in exasperation, Hawkgirl put a hand on John's shoulder. "I'm going to see what's taking the others."

 

"Hey wow! Is Superman here?"

 

Hawkgirl rolled her eyes at John and launched herself into the air.

 

"Wow, she's even prettier in person," the man remarked, celery and peanut butter mysteriously absent. Though John quickly spotted the empty jar by the man's feet. "Wonder what's under the mask..."

 

"Speaking of masks," John said pointedly.

 

The man's hands flew to his ski mask. "Hey no way!"

 

"Yes way." A clamp sprang from the beam of energy forming the bubble and surrounded the man, who immediately started struggling. When most of his torso was immobilized, the bubble disappeared and the bags of food slumped to the ground.

 

"Not cool!" the man shouted, squirming. "Lemme _go_!"

 

"Settle down, hotshot," John told him firmly, reaching out to yank the ski mask off his head.

 

Whatever John had expected, it wasn't that. Criminals just should not have _freckles_ of all things. Or messy red hair that might as well have a neon sign attached saying "ruffle me!" They certainly shouldn't pout at you and look up at you with big green eyes like you'd just kicked their puppy, dammit.

 

The man, though John was now mentally thinking of him as a kid, sighed and slumped in the ring's grasp. Then he looked up and smiled sheepishly. "Hi, sorry. This is...kinda embarrassing. See, my rent's due this week and it was either this or starve, so...heh."

 

God help him, the kid was actually blushing.

 

"Uh, that's okay," John said slowly. Nothing had prepared him for...this! An embarrassed kid with freckles who had rent and blushed.

 

"Hey, my nose kinda itches," the kid said, squirming again and wrinkling his nose. "Seriously! It's really itching and it's driving me nuts and I really need to scratch it, so couldja let me go? Please? Please? Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease—"

 

"Okay!" John snapped, overwhelmed. Before he could think better of it, the green energy holding the kid in place had retreated back into his ring.

 

The kid slumped a little in relief, scratched the tip of his nose, and grinned at John. "Thanks, man! You're a pal." Then he zipped forward and gave him a brief hug before blurring away.

 

Staring after him, John realized, to his shock and dismay, that he had just let the kid go. And that the bags were missing, though some of the food was still laying forlorn and forgotten in the middle of the street.

 

Then he realized something else.

 

"HEY! My wallet!!"


End file.
